It's suicide prevention week and I have been thinking about the high rate of suicide for men. Somebody recently asked me why men do not seek help. It's a complex answer but I would say men often do; it's just that it is not always easy to spot. In my experiences men - particularly more traditional men - tend to give signals of the need of assistance when experiencing deteriorating mental wellbeing.

The following may be triggering...

Verbal signaling - men may verbalise something related to their functioning, a disclosure of non-functioning as opposed to a direct request for help (a lot of men feel uncomfortable about using the word 'help'). And as part of the weighing up to disclose or not, it can often come down to whether the risks of saying nothing (e.g., loss of job, loss of partner, loss of their life) outweighs the risk of saying something (a masculine shame for not being able to maintain functioning and, in turn, maintain the ability to self-manage themselves).

Non-verbal signaling - for other men verbalising what is happening might be too hard so disclosure may, instead, involve an action. An example of this is a client who found it easier to drive into a fence at 30 km an hour as opposed to disclose that he was not functioning well. He then let his sister know he was in an accident and hoped she would ask what happened (she did). Another client took enough sleeping pills, lay down on the floor of his kitchen and waited for his daughter to arrive (which she did). This last example of non-verbal signaling of a crisis is pretty direct one.

So, do watch for subtle verbal signaling as well as actions that may be non-verbal signaling; they both may be an indirect 'cry for help'. They are cues to then ask about functioning.

Often the distress of perceived deteriorating functioning (e.g., emotionally regulating, remembering, etc.) will amplify and make unbearable any existing issues that are being faced. A double whammy, if you will, of having an issue while at the same time not being able to self-manage/function in the face of that issue.

So men will often seek assistance; it just may not look like what you expect it to look like and, equally, what you expect the catalyst to be.

I hope that somehow this is a useful bit of information to share.